Getting closer

As I approach the 20 week mark in this pregnancy, I am honestly surprised (unpleasantly) at how anxious I have been lately.  Even though I have no tangible or medical reason to think so, I have this feeling that at that 20 week mark, there is this looming, inevitable bad news waiting for me.  This pregnancy has been complication-free and my doctor tries to reassure me that while each pregnancy comes with its own set of risks and possibilities, there is no reason to think that we will lose another baby at 19 or 20 weeks.  Then the logical side of me says, "There weren't any complications last time, at least not that we knew about."  

I read somewhere that every time doubt or fear or anxiety creeps in, to fight that with a prayer of thanksgiving to God for this baby.  I have started doing that and it does help for a moment-in that moment-but moments have a way of sneaking away for a while and then reappearing without warning.  I've been reading some in the Old Testament lately, and this morning I was reading through a few Psalms.  They reminded me of where I need to bring my doubt and anxiety, each moment of it.  Instead of letting those thoughts take hold and run me into the "future" (the future that I make up in those anxious moment), each anxious thought, each doubt and fear needs to go to God first.  David and the other writers of the Psalms were certainly not immune to doubt or fear or trouble, but their wailings and complaints and questions went to God, not solely running circles in their own minds and hearts.  Perhaps there is a way to keep from having anxiety and fear in this life, if you know how, please let me know!  But for now, I have to rest in the fact that I can trust God with my unbelief, my doubt, my anxiety, my fear, each and every time they come up.  To be honest, it is easier said than done, but my prayer is that God will give me the strength to let go.   

Grace and peace.